10 Best Parent Backpack

Best Parent Backpack in 2023

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The Journey of a Parent - Breastfeeding, Spoiling, Safety, and More

A questioning of mainstream parent advice books and the lack of logic many of the suggestions appear to have.

There are books out there that suggest it necessary to let an infant 'cry it out', and I find I must protest. Logic itself renders this advice unsound. If an infant must learn to sleep alone, why do adults spend so much time searching for a way not to do just that? If a baby crying tears at a mother's heart, how does it serve either to try and ignore it? Trust instinct and that voice that cries from within equally as loud as the babe in the next room.

The argument that they need to cry so their lungs develop properly, makes little sense as well. If it is hard to believe, watch a babe for a day. Even if their time is spent in loving arms, with loving words, and gentle crooning, there are still moments in which they cry. Is that not enough an exercise for young developing lungs, without adding stress and abandonment to the mix?

One may have heard, "Spare the rod, spoil the child," I would implore them to think again. This child is a being worthy of respect. How would a heavy hand show this? It seems a common belief that parenting means controlling. In truth, those most at peace with themselves and the world realize they never had a shred of control to begin with. If control, or the belief there should be some, is removed what remains is the ability to guide. When giving guidance, one would not use violence to make their point. Thus why should such be done in child rearing?

Imagine for a moment, allow me to portray a scene, in which their are two choices, two results, for one to see. Afterward, I implore those reading to decide for themselves which path makes sense.

The child, a mere two years old, reached out to touch the stove. The mother, who had said many a time that was hot and do not touch, quickly reached out and smacked the little hand. The results were seen immediately, if one looked first to the eyes. They welled with tears, and were wrought with confused and mixed emotion. They still held no understanding of what hot was, just a newfound knowledge of pain. Soon the tears fell upon the cheeks. Now the mother would fold the child in her arms and tell them it is alright. Do not touch that dear, it is hot, and burn it just might.

In that same moment, another child in the world reached out where mother cooked to touch that red hot stove. Mother knelt down to the child's height as she took the small hand in her own. "Now, dear that is hot, let mother guide you along." She reached the hand near the heated burner, close enough to feel the heat, but then again no nearer. "That is hot, my child, your fingers it will burn. I do not wish to see you harmed." Then she guides her child to another room, where toys await their inquisitive mind, and safety is more likely found.

Moving onward, I find myself examining still more of the 'helpful advice' I have seen in these books. Do not allow the child to see when they have caused upset. Keep a well maintained calm, lest one lose control. Once again there is the issue of control. Let us again compare. From one adult to another, is much gained when we stay silent? Does change occur through the absence of emotion? Perhaps at times, when the human condition is not concerned.

Why shouldn't children see the results of their actions? If they do something funny, do we not laugh? So why then if they do something hurtful, should we not cry? Is sadness any less real? Do not hide oneself from one's offspring, and they in turn will learn not to hide themselves. Open the lines of communication early and they will sooner be capable of expressing their own feelings and thoughts.

Let us compare punishment and instruction. Punishment appears to teach only to avoid doing things that will cause the authoritative figure to endow pain or discomfort on one. Instruction lends a lesson, and gifts with understanding that before was not. Those, 'oh so helpful' books, guides to tell one how to be a parent, talked of things like time outs. I can see a few situations where a time out would be in order. For example, when I am no longer capable of thinking rationally enough to find the lesson being presented for me to teach, I may need a moment in time out. Notice, I said *I* may need a moment, not my child. Once rationale has returned, it is my duty then to teach. I need to explain what had me so lost, and show them more fruitful options.

I liken it to the old Chinese Proverb, "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." We are given a chance here. We can choose to bestow upon our children that we are bigger and older than they are, thus they must obey us. On the other hand, we can choose to teach our children that they have brilliant minds and extraordinary lives to live. We can show them that we are willing and ready to walk beside them. They will not be alone during the primary stages of their life journey.

It could be argued that it takes too long to get a point across if discipline does not play a part. I would like to ask, when does anything worth doing come without a cost? If the task should be to climb a mountain, only a fool would think it would not work the muscles of one's body. If one sets out to build a house, he or she would be naive to think it would be finished in a day. So why, why is it so hard to comprehend, that in the task of raising one's young, there is no lose or win? Just like flowers in the garden, they will grow should we assist.

I speak this now in parting, for it rings true in my heart. I believe the best parenting book ever, would start with simply this: "Trust the self and in the child, let the heart lead the way."

May each day be filled with joy and each night hold dreams of a bright and new tomorrow.